We are all doomed.
Why does no one ask about the Amchitka blasts anymore???
Saturday, 16 July 2011
Thursday, 14 July 2011
A Golden Voice
Once,as a young sprout, I had the opportunity to sing with my school choir.
I never thought that i possessed much of what one would call 'a voice' but the music teacher had decided that what emanated from my throat was the next thing to godliness and so he insisted that I join the group and sing (or God knows what would happen to me).
He seemed to be of the belief that I could hit a high note when required and immediately switch to a low one when also required. "A natural" he would scream.
I didn't think of myself as being a natural at anything more than finding new and innovative ways to consume chips and dip but he seemed to believe otherwise.
And so my parents consented to allowing Mr. Ferguson to turn me into the next Robert Merril (or, God forbid, Beverley Sills!).
At first, needless to say, I was mortified. I was a pre-teen whose idols were James Bond, Batman and Godzilla (not necessarily in that order) and suddenly I was being told to join what was for all intents and purposes the "gayest" of all possible endeavors - SINGING IN THE SCHOOL CHOIR!!!!.
What to do?
Play dead under the covers and hope that school in its entirety would just go away?
Not practical.
Start coughing and engaging in convulsions that would surely appear realistic as I'd recently seen them performed the same way in the latest Hammer horror film at the local theater?
Didn't work.
And so having been abandoned by the gods I ended up in the school choir!!!
Sang my little head off.
We won the Kiwanas Festival that year.
UNBELIEVABLE!!!
I'm still waiting for my recording contract.
I never thought that i possessed much of what one would call 'a voice' but the music teacher had decided that what emanated from my throat was the next thing to godliness and so he insisted that I join the group and sing (or God knows what would happen to me).
He seemed to be of the belief that I could hit a high note when required and immediately switch to a low one when also required. "A natural" he would scream.
I didn't think of myself as being a natural at anything more than finding new and innovative ways to consume chips and dip but he seemed to believe otherwise.
And so my parents consented to allowing Mr. Ferguson to turn me into the next Robert Merril (or, God forbid, Beverley Sills!).
At first, needless to say, I was mortified. I was a pre-teen whose idols were James Bond, Batman and Godzilla (not necessarily in that order) and suddenly I was being told to join what was for all intents and purposes the "gayest" of all possible endeavors - SINGING IN THE SCHOOL CHOIR!!!!.
What to do?
Play dead under the covers and hope that school in its entirety would just go away?
Not practical.
Start coughing and engaging in convulsions that would surely appear realistic as I'd recently seen them performed the same way in the latest Hammer horror film at the local theater?
Didn't work.
And so having been abandoned by the gods I ended up in the school choir!!!
Sang my little head off.
We won the Kiwanas Festival that year.
UNBELIEVABLE!!!
I'm still waiting for my recording contract.
Monday, 13 June 2011
Revelation....
It turns out that there really are things that go bump in the night.
And some of them are not very friendly.
And some of them are not very friendly.
Tuesday, 31 May 2011
Monday, 30 May 2011
ORIGINALITY
Being the first to copy what everyone else has already done is not originality.
I wonder if I'm the first person to say that.
I wonder if I'm the first person to say that.
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
Easter weekend once again and I am reminded of Easter weekends past.
My parents, whom I am convinced were escaped Nazi war criminals, had assured me that the tastiest and most succulent Easter treats were left on the uppermost ledges of the city's tallest skyscratchers.
Each year they would drive me into the downtown core and drop me off at the base of the city's tallest structures.
"AJ", they'd say, "head for the highest window and find the most sugary of all rewards (giggle, giggle, snort)".
And so I went.
Up stairs and elevators until I had reached the pinnacle of man's marriage to concrete.
Through the nearest window I would slither out and onto the most accessible ledge.
And that ledge, due to my childish size, was always wider than I had anticipated but nevertheless I made my way in search of sugary and teeth-rotting treats.
Against the deepest dark of nights and the chilling stare of the moon I would wend my way all in hope of collecting a succulent Christian treat.
To this day I can hear them giggling and chortling below.
So now ... I smoke cigarettes and laugh at sitcoms.
My parents, whom I am convinced were escaped Nazi war criminals, had assured me that the tastiest and most succulent Easter treats were left on the uppermost ledges of the city's tallest skyscratchers.
Each year they would drive me into the downtown core and drop me off at the base of the city's tallest structures.
"AJ", they'd say, "head for the highest window and find the most sugary of all rewards (giggle, giggle, snort)".
And so I went.
Up stairs and elevators until I had reached the pinnacle of man's marriage to concrete.
Through the nearest window I would slither out and onto the most accessible ledge.
And that ledge, due to my childish size, was always wider than I had anticipated but nevertheless I made my way in search of sugary and teeth-rotting treats.
Against the deepest dark of nights and the chilling stare of the moon I would wend my way all in hope of collecting a succulent Christian treat.
To this day I can hear them giggling and chortling below.
So now ... I smoke cigarettes and laugh at sitcoms.
Saturday, 23 April 2011
Fear...
Even though I was alone at the beach with the calm sea behind me, I could not shake the awful sensation that someone or something was watching me ... and making plans.
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